16 Aug To my strong, exhausted friend.
Dear you, I see you. ...
08 Aug Learning how to see a bad day coming (and what to do about it).
Yesterday as I was chopping a pepper for tea, I cut my finger. A small but deep incision in the tip of the third finger on my left hand. I put a plaster over it but it wouldn't stop bleeding. I tried to continue with the food prep but was soon stopped by the throbbing and the blood seeping out either side of the bandage. Thankfully I had someone who could take over, and a friend nearby with the know-how to re-bandage my cut. Beth took off my hastily applied band-aid and searched through the three half-empty first-aid kits in the drawer. She took...
27 Jul How to answer anxiety.
What do you say to someone suffering from anxiety? It can be hard to know. You don't want to put your foot in it, or say the wrong thing. You don't want to make matters worse. Let me reassure you - there is no perfect thing to say, mostly your friend just wants to know they are not alone. A couple of weeks ago I was anxious again. (I shared about it on facebook - here is the photo of me on that day.) After a long period when I have not had to deal with the symptoms and affects of my anxiety - the pounding heart,...
04 Jul On accepting my un-healing.
I was raised on testimonies of healing. I was taught about the miraculous, Jesus healing the blind man, that meeting in South America when someone was raised from the dead, the missions in Africa where people had seen limbs re-grow and hearing restored. I thought healing was the only answer to the question of illness, because illness was always a sign something was badly wrong in your soul or heart or the world, right? I spent a long time waiting for the happy ending when I would stand and say I was now better. That my mental health was inviolable. When I would proclaim the...
26 Jun One practical way I manage my mental health
Being too busy is, for me, often the first step on the path to deteriorating mental health. I have made many changes to build a life where I am mentally healthy. One of the most important disciplines I have started to build is the practice of less. Less I always associated the idea of less with things being worse: less money, less time, less opportunity. This is not surprising, the world continually tells us we need more. We are shown and told in every media outlet how to get more: 8 ways to get more out of your day, 5 days to maximise productivity,...
14 Jun A key to living in the present.
We have been in Anglesey for about 8 weeks now. It has been fantastic. As I write this I am outside sat at the table under the parasol. If I look up I can see the mountains of Snowdonia in the distance and the patchwork of fields, with the occasional house or farm dotted in between. The swallows that have nested in the outhouse where we keep the broken garden furniture and an impressive collection of cobwebs swoop in and out, dancing above me. All I can hear is birdsong, my fingers tapping on the the keys and a distant radio...
03 May The question that undid me.
I had my first panic attack at 22. Except I didn't know that was what it was called, or that it was symptomatic of the fact I was suffering with a mental illness. Mental health was not on my radar. At all. I didn't think of my brain as being healthy or unhealthy. I didn't think about it having moving or corruptible parts. It just was. It existed and enabled me to get on with life. When I did allow myself to think about these panic attacks (mostly I liked to pretend I had imagined the whole thing) I believed these aberrations were caused by...
18 Apr On bodies and beauty.
I find it hard to know how to relate to my body. There is a lot of conflicting information thrown at me. It should be strong and sporty because 'this girl can'. It should be thin and well-kept because why wouldn't you make the most of what you have got? I shouldn't give it a second thought because appearances don't matter. It is confusing. And I am 37. Surely I should have got this one sussed by now? I know how I look is not the be all and end all. And most of my life I have used this as my reason for...
13 Apr The problem with anxiety.
Two weeks ago I opened my notebook and wrote this to you: --- "I'll level with you. I'm feeling anxious. Right now as I write this. I was fine and then all of a sudden I was aware of the tell-tale signs: the increase in temperature, the noise of my heart beating, my stomach bubbling. My anxiety manifests itself as illness. Or maybe I should say, it provokes the same symptoms as illness. I feel 'not quite right', 'not myself'. I feel I am slowly moving away from my body, like a camera panning out. I am dangerously aware of the ticks and whirrs of...
06 Apr On finding a beginning in the brokenness.
Maybe being broken is not the end of things, but the beginning When my son is at school I go into his bedroom to quietly throw some things away. Like my husband, my seven year old son is a hoarder. It doesnt occur to him to throw out the things that are broken or no longer fit for purpose. Why put them in the bin when you can keep them scattered across the floor? At least once a week I sneak in and gather a collection to be disposed of. These are not highly valued toys, but what I would refer to as 'junk'....