13 Feb

Posted at 12:15h in Mental health
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Last week I was tired. A combination of over-work, broken nights and an increase in the emotional needs of the kids had worn me out. I was physically tired, but more than that I was emotionally and mentally tired. My body and brain had been operating at more than full capacity for a while and I needed a break. There are times we have to over-exert ourselves; a busy patch at work, a friend or loved one falls ill and needs caring for, a house move or other circumstantial change. There are seasons when we all have to dig deep and work...

22 Jan

Posted at 11:42h in Mental health
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It is New Year's Day. We are in Auckland, New Zealand and have stumbled across an international tennis tournament. The tournament is not under the radar, but we do not follow the annual tennis schedule so, to us, it feels like a gift. The luxury of no other plans allows us to stroll down, wait in line, buy tickets and take our seats to watch some of the world's best female tennis players. Such joy. As we wait for play to begin my mind wanders through the possibilities the coming year holds. I am relaxed, happy, looking forward. It occurs to me;...

08 Nov

Posted at 15:23h in Mental health
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I was out and about somewhere this week, I forget where, and I could hear a toddler whining. The child wasn't very upset, but were obviously struggling to get their point across, to let the parent who was with them know exactly what they wanted. I then heard the Mum who was with this little boy, who must have been about two and a half, say a phrase I have said myself many times. She said, "Use your words." She wanted her son to stop his whining and tell her what it was that was upsetting him, or what it was he wanted....

15 Aug

Posted at 15:08h in Mental health
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I experienced my first panic attack in my car while attempting a three point turn in the road outside my parents' house. I was 22. One minute I was turning the steering wheel, focused on the manoeuvre, the next I was sweating with fear. My mind raced through a theatre performance I had recently seen, the most devastating moment playing over and over again on the screen of my mind. My body reacted as though this performance was not just real, but was a part of me. I was the dying man collapsing on the ground, I was the one losing...

26 Jun

Posted at 14:38h in Mental health
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Maintaining good mental health can be hard work. I didn't manage it, and when my third child was a few months old I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I had probably been anxious for 5 years by then, since my first baby was born in 2004. In those days mental health was not something that was discussed often. I hadn't realised what was going on and had assumed I was weak and needed to pull myself together, everyone else seemed to be able to cope - so why couldn't I? But it turns out I wasn't weak, I was ill. There is a difference....

18 Apr

Posted at 11:48h in Mental health
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This morning I took two minutes to sit quietly in my chair before I started work. I close my eyes. I pay attention. A relentlessly joyful bird sings outside the window. The wind whispers down the chimney. The builders in the next street use a piece of equipment that makes a dull grinding noise and the traffic further afield brings a bass note to the song. My glasses rest on my nose. My hands are in my lap, fingers interlaced, one thumb on top of the other. The skin is warm and slightly dry. I scan my body looking for tension and remember...

20 Feb

Posted at 10:41h in Mental health
6 Likes

Do you feel restless? Are you waiting for the next thing; the next job, or weekend, or night of unbroken sleep? Is your heart drumming it's fingers on the desk? Are you impatient? And how's your soul? Are you at peace? Do you know contentment? Can you experience quiet and rest? This weekend I spent time with my sister and my Mum. These two wonderful women are both very active people. They are energised by being do-ers. They do stuff. They get stuff done. And in the action of fulfilling these tasks they find satisfaction. For them it seems this active, busy life is life-bringing. In years gone by after some time...

30 Jan

Posted at 10:43h in Mental health
9 Likes

Hi, I think it might be time to take stock. To think about the things that are tricky. The things you want to ignore and brush under the carpet. I say this because, as you well know, acknowledgement is the first step. You have to see it before you can do anything about it. And the truth is: You are not okay right now, and that is okay. Honestly, it is. You feel low. And that's okay. You don't have to be great all the time. You are allowed to have a bad week, or month. It doesnt necessarily mean another crash is on the way. (In fact this...

09 Jan

Posted at 11:35h in Mental health
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To start, some truth: January can be hard. And if you are finding it hard, that does not make you weak. Because it can be hard. I feel this is worth repeating, let me make sure you know before you read any further: it is okay to be finding it hard. You are okay. So, Christmas is over, the decorations have been taken down and any post-holidays fog of wine and chocolate has lifted and been replaced by the stark reality that we are in a new year. 2018 is here. Everywhere there are adverts inviting me to become a 'new me' in this new year....

28 Nov

Posted at 16:53h in Family, Mental health
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I love Christmas. I love a reason to celebrate, to eat good food and make a fuss. I love the full sensory experience, the smells and the decorations, lighting the candles and listening to the music. I am no scrooge. However, over the years Christmas has become a  bit much. I have made it a bit much. I am an all or nothing kind of person. I am not very good at self-control and moderation, and Christmas has always been a time to revel in this side of my personality. I want to do ALL of it. I want to have special meals with all my different groups of...