08 Mar

Posted at 14:57h in Mental health
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Two weeks ago storm Doris battered the UK. Liverpool was hit hard. On our street, opposite our house, a two hundred year old beech tree came down falling across the road, pulling with it our neighbour's fence and landing in our driveway. The road was made impassable. It was a miracle no one was hurt and nothing seriously damaged. It would seem we were not the only ones who had experienced a tree blocking the road, stopping the traffic. In Liverpool over one hundred and fifty trees were felled and even now, over a week later, driving around you can see the carnage...

01 Mar

Posted at 14:15h in Faith
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Today is Ash Wednesday. In churches all over the country people are gathering to repent of their sins. They are kneeling while the vicar or celebrant draws a cross of ashes on their forehead as they prepare for Lent, and after that, Easter. I like this. A stopping point, a place to be reminded. It is only recently I have understood what repentance is really about. Maybe you never mis-used or misunderstood repentance, but for a long time I did. Repentance was part of the conversation about how I was messing it up and was not able to get my shit together. It was another way to...

24 Jan

Posted at 15:31h in Mental health
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It is January in the north of England and my garden looks as you would expect; damp, leaf strewn, drained of colour: a mess. There is not much to be seen, but there is work to do. I plan to cut back some shrubs that have needed a hard prune since we moved in four years ago. They are overgrown and block light from the house. As I begin to work, my neighbour walks past on his way back from his allotment. He calls over, “Take it right to the floor, you will only get leaf this year, but the flowers will be back...

18 Jan

Posted at 11:52h in Living well, Mental health
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I can't remember a time I did not know the lyrics to the theme tune of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Throughout the early '90s the song wormed its way into my ear, remaining in my head long after the show had finished. And, kudos to the song's composers, years later as my children grew up unaware of the origins of this piece of musical genius (heavy on the irony), we have on occasion found ourselves singing it to the kids, mock-rapping in the kitchen, initially thrilling and later totally embarrassing them. Last week my ten year old discovered nearly 150 episodes of Will...

07 Dec

Posted at 12:12h in Living well, Mental health, On taking anti-depressants
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On the 1st December I started to write an Alternative Advent Calendar. I have been posting these 'gifts' daily on Facebook and Instagram. Christmas is busy, and expectations are high. It can become stressful and overwhelming very quickly. My Advent Calendar is an antidote to this. Each day I have been writing short thoughts about ways to manage this season, ideas about how to stay sane, maintain mental health and hopefully enjoy the festive period. I am writing to remind myself. To talk truth to myself. And to remind you. To talk truth to you. Here are the first seven days Dec 1st The Gift of...

28 Nov

Posted at 19:05h in Faith
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I struggle to articulate the discoveries I have been making about my faith, in part because what I believe cannot easily be squeezed into language. It cannot be condensed and compressed into words, black and white on the page. I am only ever able to scratch the surface, if I am lucky. Even if I had all the time in the world I would still remain unable to articulate the breadth and depth and complexity, the clear and pure simplicity, of the faith I am discovering. This was not always the case. I used to find my faith far more straight forward. For every question there was an...

25 Oct

Posted at 16:20h in Family
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I have thought a lot recently about how to enable my kids to move from the 'infant' part of their childhood into their teenage years. How to begin to prepare them for greater independence. How to teach them to think and act for themselves and make good choices that reflect their values. I have thought a lot about where those values could come from and how it might be possible to instil values that will serve them well, that will give them a happy and peace-filled life. I think this may be impossible. I cannot guarantee they will immediately pick up healthy values, I...

10 Oct

Posted at 10:06h in Mental health
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This is for you if you are in despair. I know how you feel. I have been you; terrified to leave the house, feeling I had no control over my own body. I have felt my brain was alien and unpredictable and I could no longer rely on it to tell me the truth. I know what it is like to wake in the night and be consumed with fear, able to hear my blood pumping around my body, the sound loud in my ears. I have wanted to hide, and felt shame. I have not known who I was or how to go on....

19 Sep

Posted at 15:01h in Faith
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Yesterday in church we sang together. We sang the words, "you're never going to let, you're never going to let me down". The words caught in my throat and I fell silent. I couldn't sing the words even though I have found them to be true. He is never going to let me down. I couldn't sing it even though I believe it, and feel it. I couldn't sing it although the core of my being is at peace with this statement. I looked around me and I saw my friends. I saw their grief and struggles, I saw their pain. I saw loneliness and illness,...