10 Apr Musings (10.04.18)
When things are taking their ordinary course, it is hard to remember what matters. There are so many things you would never think to tell anyone. And I believe they may be the things that mean most to you...
13 Mar 5 unexpected ways I manage my anxiety
Anxiety doesn't have a hold over me like it used to but it is still something I have to manage. Every now and then I experience weeks when anxiety hovers around, when the low-level buzz of it is ever-present. This can be because I have been too busy or not sleeping well, or because there is unexpected stress in my life. It can also be because I haven't been looking after myself very well and self-care has been neglected. It can be for no obvious reason at all. On these weeks I employ all the tactics I know to try and...
27 Feb One thing that will bring definition, clarity and longevity to your life and work (or, Why my friend laughed at me last week)
We met at 12:30 in my favourite cafe. The over-enthusiastic waiter delivered two plates of mushrooms on toast to our table, walking away with the tray spinning on his finger like a basket ball. I poured the tea. She told me about her recent trip to India to see her Uncle and her family weekend in Scotland. I filled her in on our few days in Anglesey. We talked about our work, what we were excited about and how we managed the boring but necessary tasks. I started to talk about what I wanted to do next, ideas tumbling out one after...
20 Feb When the pace of life is too fast for your soul.
Do you feel restless? Are you waiting for the next thing; the next job, or weekend, or night of unbroken sleep? Is your heart drumming it's fingers on the desk? Are you impatient? And how's your soul? Are you at peace? Do you know contentment? Can you experience quiet and rest? This weekend I spent time with my sister and my Mum. These two wonderful women are both very active people. They are energised by being do-ers. They do stuff. They get stuff done. And in the action of fulfilling these tasks they find satisfaction. For them it seems this active, busy life is life-bringing. In years gone by after some time...
30 Jan A letter to myself and anyone else who is not okay
Hi, I think it might be time to take stock. To think about the things that are tricky. The things you want to ignore and brush under the carpet. I say this because, as you well know, acknowledgement is the first step. You have to see it before you can do anything about it. And the truth is: You are not okay right now, and that is okay. Honestly, it is. You feel low. And that's okay. You don't have to be great all the time. You are allowed to have a bad week, or month. It doesnt necessarily mean another crash is on the way. (In fact this...
15 Dec Advent: what the children taught me.
The simplest truths are the hardest to hold onto. It was the school nativity this morning. My children are too old to take part and I wasn't sure if I could spare the time. But the excitement in the yard was infectious and I found myself walking round to the front of the building, entering through the main doors and taking my place with all the other parents in the hall. The collection of angels wearing over-sized t-shirts adorned with tinsel sung of the glory of God. Some waved as they spotted their Mum or Dad in the packed assembly hall. My friend and...
21 Nov What is a panic attack like? A conversation.
Last month my friend Sri and I had a four day break in Lisbon. We are old friends (we met in sixth form) and have not holidayed together since we were 19 (a fabulous two week adventure in Italy, as you asked). This break had been a long time coming. On the first night we were there I had a panic attack. A fairly impressive one. Normally when I have a panic attack I hide, or flee the scene sharpish. And, until last month the only person who has sat with me during a panic attack is my husband. I am not unusual. I...
07 Nov Don’t wait to be chosen, pick yourself.
In the Summer my 11 year old daughter went to a drama club. This club was being run by one of the original cast members of Matilda (the musical) and another actor who I knew from my time working as a theatre director. As I dropped child number 2 off for her day of fun, I got chatting with my actor friend. Our conversation ambled along predictable lines while I propelled my son back to the car. Soon enough he asked me if I was still working in the theatre. I told him no, that just over a year ago I...
31 Oct For the strong and exhausted who struggle to find time for rest.
Posted at 17:06h
in Mental health 1 Comment
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A few weeks ago I wrote a letter to my strong, exhausted friend. (You can read it here.) At so many points in my life I have been the person who needed to read that letter, and often still am. But I am re-learning how to live and a large part of this has involved re-discovering how to rest. I know rest is important, and yet I don't make it a priority. It gets squeezed out. I find myself exhausted, falling into bed either to sleep fitfully or to lie awake aware of all I still need to do but haven't managed to...
26 Oct How to let yourself off the hook (when expectations are high and life feels short).
Do you feel you are constantly on the hook? It's a strange phrase - think - the opposite of 'off the hook'. Being caught on the hook makes you feel culpable, or guilty, as though you can never relax or let go. In recent years letting myself off the hook has been an idea I have become very attached to. I like the idea that I am freeing myself from...