It has to be now. (part 1)

I have lots of things nearly written, and half written, and in need of a few edits, waiting in my drafts to post… and i will get to them sooner or later. But today I wanted to write about stopping and being in the present.

The play I have spent the last few months working on came to an end last night. I watched it for the final time on Thursday and, as it is when you know something is going to finish and not be repeated, I was watching my favourite moments with great attention. Trying to imprint them on my mind for the future. So I could re-live the joy of those moments.

It got me thinking about theatre and why I love it so.

So many reasons.. but to start with – it is temporal. It is once performed… and never again the same. To experience it you have to be alive in the present moment. You have to BE THERE. In the space with the actors, with the audience, on that night. The next night, it might be the same play with the same actors, but it would be different, subtly maybe, but different.

The energy of this excites me. The risk of it.

And as I sat in the dark watching and enjoying and attempting to fix it in my memory on Thursday, I was thinking that really this is the best way to enjoy my life.

In the present moment.

Not waiting for the next opportunity. For the next job or experience. Not waiting for my kids to be asleep. Not waiting for some peace. Not waiting til I have it all figured out, or have more knowledge or experience. Not waiting til its sunny and everything is going my way.

Not looking back on happy days past, on carefree times when my day was my own to do with what I wanted. On great jobs I have done, or exciting adventures I have had. On when I got more sleep.

Now. It has to be NOW.

I am only alive in THIS moment. I need to stop and remember that more often.

I won’t get to do THIS day again.

And, although sometimes that feels like a great bonus, because there have been some many days I have wanted to be over and never return. There is even good to be found in those days of pain and sadness. I need to be IN those days too. To learn. To remember. I need to be fully present.

This is obviously my aim… something to aspire to. Not something I can recognise and then automatically achieve.

It is something I need to remember more… More than I do.

It is a habit that needs to be learnt.

My Mum spoke in church this morning. Excellently. One of her points was that ‘hurrying’ is an enemy to contentment.

This is not a new idea. Many faiths and belief systems practice the idea of contentment, meditation, mindfulness. To be content here and now. To be fully present here and now.

To do this I need to really SEE the here and now.

To remind myself of the beauty in the present I have started trying to take a photo of an ‘everyday beauty’, every day.

To be grateful for the small things that are good. The joy in the ordinary, the common place.

There will be BIG days, where SIGNIFICANT things happen. But for every one of those days there are hundreds, thousands of ordinary days. And I want to find the beauty in those days too. To attempt to be fully present in every one.

This weeks offerings:

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