10 Jan pt. 13. Oh, the thinks you can think
This is a post about my experience of anxiety. I briefly wrote about this before christmas (here) and this is the follow up...
01 Jan that was the year that was.
I am not a big resolution maker, but last year around this time, I was sat in front of the fire thinking about the year that had just passed (2012). The three house moves, the renovation project, the funerals I had been to, the way the kids had grown and we had all changed. I was thinking 'phew, glad all that change is over…'. I felt a little phrase drop into my head. It became my slogan for the coming year. 2013 would be all about "building capacity for razzamatazz" (both spiritual and profound, no?!) -------- I thought, great, we have done a lot of...
04 Dec The Future is leaving, get on board.
Last week Matt was away for a couple of nights. The kids were pretty tricky - one with an ear infection and another waking early. We had grumpiness and bad attitudes a-plenty. Matt got home and started to tell me all about the amazing meetings he had had and the exciting plans he was making. Although I could see the possibilities did look exiting, I wasn't feeling it. Everything irritated me. I was irked. At first I thought it was just the lack of sleep and continual whinging I had been subject to whilst he was away, but the more I thought about...
26 Nov Gratitude Day: Don’t mess with the Mums.
First: Watch this advert. At about 45 seconds in a woman stands at the centre of an amphitheatre holding a baby and says; "I love being a Mum, but does anyone else ever feel overwhelmed." Then, a joyous thing happens - every woman in the place stands with her in agreement. I have friends who have done this for me. Who have stood with me throughout the decade I have decided to call, 'The Exhausted Years'. A time where 'wiping' became a key-skill. When we learnt to survive on little sleep, and put small-peoples' needs above our own. There are many reasons why I am grateful for...
31 Oct A link: all about the tyranny of should
I read a blog post this morning, and had to share it with you straight away. A few of you have been kind enough to email or message me to say how much you identify with what I have written. Therefore I figure you, like me, will appreciate this blog post (link below). I read it this morning. It is truth. I have 'red-flagged' a couple of friends this week. By this I mean, I have taken their temperature - the level of stress and busyness in their lives and have given them a red-flag: a warning flag in my mind. (Like...
30 Oct the deadly act of comparison.
Over the last couple of years I have developed a habit, a couple of times a week, of going for a walk in the early evening. Sometimes on my own, but often with my very good friend, who I'm going to call Gloria. --------- It all started last summer, when we (me and my family) were living in a rental house (having sold our house and not having found anywhere to move to yet - I wouldn't recommend it). The period of living in that house was very stressful, half our stuff was in storage, the house was a bit smaller than...
21 Oct two of the most important words in the world
I have a friend with whom i share a great love of Grayson Perry (enormous artistic talent, huge wit, great frocks), another who, at 16, i bonded with over our mutual appreciation for Ethan Hawke (so thoughtful, those eyes...
10 Oct a beauty interlude:
"We were created for wonder but life can squeeze it out of us." Wonder is essential to living well. Beauty is necessary. Awe imperative. But sometimes you have to go looking for it, because it doesnt just turn up on the doorstep. I think Dostoyevsky got it right: Beauty will save the world. I feel so strongly about this. I told someone only this week that I would fight anyone who disagrees with me. As a theatre-maker it is hard-wired into me. Enjoying beauty with other people is my favourite thing to do. To have a collective experience of wonder is a brilliant thing. It...
02 Oct When things don’t go my way, or, Dealing with Disappointment.
A few things have happened this year that I have found pretty disappointing. I didn't get a job I thought I would get, and really wanted. Some funding I was expecting didn't come off. Some other funding I have been promised was latterly withdrawn. A friend talked to me about a work opportunity and then (through no ill will, just unexpected circumstances) went with another director. And all this happened in a very short space of time (about a week). It was pretty gutting. I felt sad and a bit silly. I also started doubting myself and thinking no one would ever want...
26 Sep The edit.
How do you decide which things to do and which things not to do? Which interests to pursue and which to abandon? Where to spend your time and your efforts? It is a process i call, 'the edit'. I think it is one of the fundamentals of life. If you don't have a cutting room floor covered with things you removed from the showreel of your life, you are probably doing too much. Much of this process occurs subconsciously, happening without us really realising, as we navigate demands and pressures and concerns and friends and hobbies and passions...